*TRIGGER WARNING – Childloss & Disability*

Hello!  Today is my 27th birthday – which is a scary thought because it means that half of 2016 seems to have disappeared in the blink of an eye.

I started the year making a steep 16 promises to myself … you can read all about them here.  True to form – I’ve forgotten or failed at most of them but c’est la vie …. does it really matter that I’ve not managed to finish my wedding album before my first 2nd wedding anniversary?

Probably not!

Life update

I have, however, got back on a horse – which is a huge accomplishment for me!

After the knock to my health last year, both physical and mental, I felt like I’d lost myself for a long time.  I was putting on a brave face and pretending everything was fine.  I was then getting home from work and crying myself to sleep every night.  I couldn’t stand seeing people be happy and I became a very angry and bitter person – I just hid it well.

Thankfully, time really is a healer and, eventually, I began to open up to people.   I began to become honest – a few weeks ago I was even able to admit to all my social media followers what had happened;  ‘I got pregnant, I didn’t know – the doctors performed surgeries, I lost the baby’.  Admitting this meant that my mental health got better – being honest meant I was less introverted, I started to enjoy socialising again, and actively looked forward to spending time with people.   Shortly after, my health seemed to improve, I began swimming again, got up to 5k walks with the dog, and even got back on a horse.

I’m still not healthy – Monday was spent in bed with an awful head – but I’m getting there.

 

I also started to talk a little more about my disability – I have a neurological condition.  My left side is weak because of it – they’re not sure why, it just is.   For some reason, after last September’s surgeries, my left leg stopped working properly.   It has a mind of it’s own and works sometimes, not others – and sometimes it goes off and does entirely it’s own thing and I can’t even feel it … except when I stub my toe & it hurts like hell … karma?

Because of my left leg having a mind of it’s own, I now walk with a beautiful crutch – I can’t walk more than a few steps without it.  I can, however, still wear heels!

I hid the crutch for some time, hoping I’d be able to be rid of it soon.   That doesn’t look to be the case so I guess I just have to embrace my cane … I’m like a dandy … which is cool, right?

 

I’ve also travelled a little more this year (although not enough) with fun days out, being whisked off to Budapest for a girly weekend, and exploring San Francisco with work (all on my lonesome).   I found the idea of travelling rather daunting – given the new crutch and the increased headaches – but I had so much help and support that not only did I do it, but I enjoyed it.

You can read my Budapest post here – and my San Francisco post here.

I have more travels planned with Cornwall just round the corner, many more UK day or weekend trips planned, and a potential sunny vaca end of September being talked about – I cannot wait!

I also got a little more creative – albeit sporadically.   I’ve been participating in lunch time art classes at work & managed two terms of a print making workshop.  I definitely love doing more art and hope to keep this up.

Now – lets hope I can get back on that horse for a second time.

How’s your year going?  Any news or aspirations?

C xx

3 thoughts

  1. I am past my 3rd wedding anniversary now and the professional album is here, but I have these stacks of photos that I keep meaning to do something with but still they sit there. I’m sorry to hear of what you went through, and hope your mental and physical health keeps I’mproving! I wrote on my blog today about how my mental health and physical health don’t seem to be syncing up at the moment!

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  2. I’m sorry to hear about you losing your baby, I have been through it and it’s hard, and I also have a crutch, can’t go out without that and holding on to someone, I hate mine too, my girls and my friend are considering attacking it with a glue gun and sparkles, they want to “pimp my crutch” ha ha. I am going to have to go down the wheelchair route I think but the thought of it devastates me 😦 I am fiercely independent and if I can manage I will (even if it almost kills me in the process) I hope you continue to improve, you’re such a lovely lady, you deserve every happiness, lot of love xx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

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  3. Never hide any aspect of your beautiful self, my dear. You have been through so much and are an inspiration to just keep getting back on that horse – literally in your case! I’m glad sharing your struggles has helped, and I wish you much health & happiness throughout the rest of the year. I’m going to Cornwall soon too, yay! xx
    Just Me Leah

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