Today is Sexual Happiness Day. I’m not normally one for getting behind these days, its like there is a new one every other day (the exclusion is Fish’n’Chips day – 2nd June – cause who doesn’t love fish’n’chips). However, I’m loving the ethos behind Sexual Happiness day – its inclusionary, celebratory, and just generally lovely.
Its been created by LoveHoney, the sexual happiness people, known for cute (and sexy) lingerie and a sparkling array of sex toys for all persuasions. They’ve started Sexual Happiness day as ‘a day of celebration and is designed to be inclusive of everybody, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity or marital status: inclusivity is the cornerstone of our business. We want to inspire people to seek out their own Sexual Happiness, to be adventurous, to have fun with sex be it in a couple or on their own.’
In celebration of Sexual Happiness day, I thought it would be nice to share what sexual happiness means to me …
It’s often an assumed fact – sexual happiness. In a world where sex, both implied and explicit, is literally everywhere (you can hardly change a channel without seeing a bouncing bottom), there is an assumption that we are all sexually liberated, unrepressed and in charge of our own sexuality. Yet this couldn’t be further from the truth, you only need to see the sexual awakening that an insipidly mild book inspired amongst a whole generation of women to know that many are still unaware of their sexual capacities.
But to me, sexual liberation has been far less about the act itself and far more about my own confidence in myself.
As a big woman, I’ve long been told that I can’t be sexy. That my rolls aren’t sexy, my height (5ft10) isn’t sexy. My power, isn’t sexy. Sexy is so often the realm of the petite, the curvy but small women who stand a good six inches shorter than their partners and can be easily thrown across someone’s shoulder. I grew up in the age of the waif – with Kate Moss being the epitome of sex appeal.
The other side of the coin is the hyper sexualised women – the Pamela Anderson’s whose figures are only possible through cosmetic enhancement. How could I, a soft, round, tall girl with thunder thighs and pendulum boobs ever possibly feel sexy about herself?
Even as I grew older and plus size models began popping up on social media, they were still an unattainable kind of sexy. They were corseted, red lipped, big haired, stockinged and for the most part, covered! They were in lingerie, but there was no belly apron or cellulite. They were posed in a way to hide their largeness as if there largeness was something to minimalise, to lessen.
When I first started blogging I wasn’t really that confident in my body. I thought I was, but I wasn’t really. I hid my stomach, posed to hide my arm fat, and even applied filters to take away from my skins unevenness. I was a lesser version of myself, a hidden version. And it’s all because I couldn’t see myself as sexy because, in my socially conditioned mind, sexy and big didn’t go hand in hand.
The only place I was really confident was in the bedroom and that is due to one fact and one fact alone. I have a husband who has always supported me, who has always seen me as beautiful, has always seen me as sexy. With him, I was freed from the constraints of a society clouded brain and supported in being my authentic self.
Now, I’m sure some out there are screaming at this revelation, ‘you don’t need a man to tell you that you’re sexy to be sexy’. And they are right, I shouldn’t! And now I don’t – but back then, in a clouded fog of poor body image, it went a long way to make me feel good about myself.
Since starting blogging, my confidence has grown. Being exposed to other body confident and fat positive bloggers and influencers has slowly but surely changed my mindset so that now I can see myself as a big AND sexy woman.
You see, the two aren’t mutually exclusive at all.
The past two years I have learnt to love my body, become more daring in my outfit and lingerie choices, and become more confident in myself as whole.
I relax more, I don’t worry about being weird in my personality, about being too stern in my views or about being a powerful woman. Part of this is growing up (although I protest loudly at that idea) and finding my feet as a woman. Part is learning to be comfortable in my own skin.
And what does all this have to do with sexual happiness?
Being comfortable in myself, and being happy in myself, ultimately means that I’m also happy in my sexuality, both in and out of the bedroom. And that is one of the most important things of all. I no longer think I can’t be a sexy, sensual woman. Because I am exactly those two things!
Whatever inclinations you have, whatever you enjoy, however you indulge, whether it be wild hanging from the ceiling sexuality or a cosy cuddling beneath the sheets, happiness is key. And I think finding yourself and accepting yourself, both physically and emotionally are key to the happiness.
And the amazing lingerie? It’s all from LoveHoney of course – empowering women to be sexually happy in any way they please!
What makes you sexually happy? Share your stories on social media using #SexualHappinessDay