Becoming a parents is one of the biggest, most life altering changes I’ve ever been through. It makes you reevaluate so many different parts of your life and identity in a way that I never thought possible. One of those reevaluations is my sensuality.
I have always been very in touch with my sensuality. I’m a very sexual person who has never shied away from her bodies wants and needs. In fact, I have always celebrated my desires. I speak openly about my relationship with my body and how it relates to my own sexual happiness. But how does this all relate to this scary new adventure of being a mum?
There is no doubt about it. The first few months of being a mum are hard. They are a whirlwind of readjustments. The biggest readjustment, for me at least, being my own image of myself. I am no longer the centre of my world. My body is no longer autonomous. I have a baby; a tiny, perfect little human who relies on me for his every need. Suddenly, my needs have become less important. My body, first a host, now a milk factory, is no longer simply for pleasure and enjoyment. Instead, it is a life source for my child.
For those first hazy weeks of the fourth trimester, everything was dictated by my baby’s needs, by his schedule. When I slept, when I ate, when I went to the loo. Me time was a thing of the past and with that went my sensuality. I mean, it’s hard to feel sensual when you haven’t even had the time to do something so small for yourself as cleaning your teeth.
And that is my first tip for you when it comes to rediscovering your sensuality. Do something for yourself. Do whatever makes you feel like you again. Whether it’s a cut and blow dry or cooking your favourite meal. I know it isn’t easy – I mean, I definitely didn’t go to the toilet by myself for at least four weeks, let alone find time to blow dry my hair. However, time for yourself is so important . For me, a twenty minute yoga session followed by ten minutes of relaxation and meditation really helped me reconnect with myself. Doing this daily, once those first hazy weeks have passed, helped me feel like me again and gave me back a sense of control over my own body.
My second tip is to be patient with yourself. There are so much pressures wrapped up with motherhood. Sadly, these pressure take a toll and often leave new mums feeling completely overwhelmed. Adding another pressure of embracing sexuality just worsens the situation. It is okay to not feel sensual. And, if your sensuality is wrapped into your sex life (like mine is) then it is okay to not want sex. I know I certainly didn’t for quite a while after birth. I was healing, sleep deprived, often smelly from lack of shower-time, and definitely not feeling my most body confident. It took a while for any sexual wants to return. And that is okay. We shouldn’t feel pressured to feel sensual or sexual – especially not when coming to terms with our new role as a mother.
It is also okay to feel differently in your own kind of sensuality. Before motherhood, I was overt, in your face sex! I was strong, bold and commanding. Now I feel a little softer. More romantic. I don’t feel the need to scream sex. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Maybe it’s the baby sleeping in the bedroom, my pre-motherhood sanctuary for sexual fulfilment. Or perhaps it comes with the rawness of going through the early days of parenting with my husband. We’ve needed to communicate so openly and honestly, in a way that was never needed pre-parenting. Whether you’ve given birth or not, having a child changes you and the dynamics of your relationship.
I’m not sure what the change is. Perhaps it is a multitude of changes. But I now feel my most sensual from the smallest interactions. The gentle touch of my husbands hand. The cool silkiness of freshly washed bedsheets. The flowing of my hair in the breeze. The quiet time sat watching the river flow by. It may be a cliche, but I feel more empowered and at one with myself than ever before. So embrace change in your sensuality. After all, we all grow and evolve throughout our lives.
A note on my lingerie
The beautiful, whimsical, romantic lingerie that I’m wearing in this post is from the Daydream Edit by Lovehoney. The dreamy designs will transport you to a world of sensual seduction with lingerie perfect for whatever sensuality means for you. The range includes whimsical lace, sultry strapping, and playful patterns that deserve to be flaunted.
I’m wearing the playful and flirty Moonflower body in purple with strap back detailing and sheer mesh overlaid with lace. And the virgin white Celeste bra set with a front fastening bralette and matching thong made from floral and dotted stretch lace.
Shop the Daydream Edit
Which set matches your kind of sensual?
AD GIFTED/PR PRODUCT - The products featured in this post have been gifted for review. All thoughts and opinions remain true to my own findings.