BDSM. Bondage. Discipline. Dominance and submission. Sadomasochism. Lingerie. You’d think the two go hand in hand. But why? And with so many BDSM influences prevalent in our lingerie trends, how do you cross the boundary from wearing to practicing safely?
A fascination with fetish wear and BDSM has long been evidenced in fashion and lingerie designs. The likes of McQueen, Jean Paul Gaultier and Balmain have all drawn on fetish fashion when designing haute couture. Lingerie designers are no different. Bordelle made a name for themselves with their long-lusted for bondage dress. And Damaris began to bring strapping to the popular market with a corseted knicker in the early noughties.
Yet the trend didn’t really come to my consciousness until the lunch of fuller bust brand, Curvy Kate’s scandalous new line – Scantilly. Debuting in 2015, Scantilly’s range of peek-a-boo panels and harness details wowed the senses with their overt nod to the BDSM scene. Needless to say, I devoured the range – and it has become a favourite of this little old blog ever since.
Since then, the lingerie scene has exploded with BDSM details. It can be found in popular high street stores and it’s common to see a harness peering above a plunging neckline.
But what is BDSM?
BDSM is consensual activities, some sexual, some not. They focus around power-play with participants often taking on roles of power or submission, of master or of slave. Roles most commonly known as Dominant (Dom) and Submissive (Sub).
It often involves feeling erotic pleasure from inflicting or receiving pain, humiliation, physical restraint, and servitude. It can involve tying of a partner, role playing, spanking, enslaving and withholding satisfaction. At its heart, BDSM is pleasure. Just a different kind of pleasure to the mainstream, normative view of enjoyment.
BDSM is not what you see in Fifty Shades of Grey. Nor is it violence, hatred, or fear.
Practicing safely
With the rise of BDSM inspired lingerie, it is not surprising that the scene is growing. BDSM dating sites such as Subs and Doms femdom allow the curious to discover like-minded individuals and form communities or practice in a safe, informed environment.
And of course, staying safe is paramount. So if you’re thinking of dipping a toe into the world of BDSM, follow these simple steps to ensure consent, safety, and pleasure.
Research
Read, read and read some more. There are a wealth of articles guiding you through the practice of BDSM. From bondage to role play, researching in advance is your friend. If you can, hire a guide, an expert who can help and guide you through your journey in a safe and pleasurable manner.
Ensure consent
All sexual acts must be consensual. This is true also of BDSM. It relies entirely on consent. Discussing and agreeing what will happen with a partner not only leads to the thrill of anticipation but also to safety. A safe word, something not normally said during erotic acts, can help with withdrawing consent at any time. When a safe word is spoken, all activities must stop immediately for all parties involved.
Go slow
BDSM can be overwhelming. When practiced correctly, it can be intensely pleasurable. But stepping too far outside of your comfort zone can lead to feelings that are hard to overcome. It is important to take things slowly, to increase your activities over time, to learn what feels good and to learn where your limits lie.
Create a traffic light system
To help you go slow a traffic light system can be used. Like a safe word, red means stop. Amber is to slow down. Green is to continue. The traffic light system can be used to communicate your limits, anxieties or
Communicate
And with all of these things, communicating openly with your partner(s) is key. BDSM relies on trust. And you can’t have trust without honesty, openness and frankness amongst those practicing.
Feel your best
And of course, feeling your best when practicing is also key. It allows you to open up – to communicate your desires and feel empowered to impose your boundaries. And what makes me feel my very best? Well, lingerie of course.
Now tell me, will you be stepping across the threshold from wearing to practicing?
This post has been sponsored by Subs and Doms. All thoughts and opinions expressed remain my own.
